A BUCKET FULL OF TISSUES

I needed someone to witness my grief

Those tears that fall quietly

Only making sound through

The searing tracks they make

On your soul were starting to, literally

Burn me alive.

I’ve learned to be strong,

Independent, co-dependent on my sisters,

My chocolate colored companions who

Resonate with my experiences.

In the sunlight of reminiscing

When we clink glasses on sunny days

And speak of deathly nights

Like a bad memory.

Those bright days when our

Plump lips expose our bright white joy,

When our sober minds only reveal

The strength of recovery

And not the weakness of pain.

I needed someone to witness my grief

I needed someone to witness me bare,

Exposed and smarting

In the light of their shock

I needed an honest-to-God encounter.

I needed you to see me

When I’d least like to be seen.

With mucus running down

Flared nostrils

And eyes engorged with tears past and tears yet to come

But when you called,

I checked myself.

When you called I wiped it away

And in one fell swoop it was

Another sunny day

Sarah, I needed you to see me, to see you, to see us

Without the sheen of post-mortem treatment

Without the ghastly pale make-up

Of refrigeration

Of grief with an expiration date

Kept like birthday cake for a distant daughter

I needed someone to witness my grief.

But when you called,

When I called,

I put it all away.

Published by alexiima

Life's a party in a sunflower field. Even when we wilt, we are beautiful to behold.

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